Find what gets you out of bed…it seems like such a simple phrase. If that is the case for you then I hope you realize just how truly blessed you really are. For a lot of people though, getting out of bed can be one of the hardest parts of their day. I know it was for me this past year. The main portion of time after my Mom passed away was all such a blur and then other parts of that time haunt me like it was yesterday. I didn’t sleep for months after we lost her, but the small amount of sleep I did get it took everything in me to pull myself out of bed to start a new day. I didn’t want to get up, quite frankly I’m not even sure I wanted to live or that I saw the point in it all anymore. I was confused and I was exhausted. I knew I needed to do what I needed to do to get through that time, so I did. I got out of bed each and everyday. I didn’t give myself an option not too, because that is a slippery slope.
Thankfully, I also had two beautiful children looking up at me every morning. So what did I do? I put my feet on the ground and I got out of bed. I didn’t do it for me, I didn’t care enough about me at that time. I did it for them. I focused solely on their sweet innocent faces and I did what I had to do to get through the day. It was hard to have other people to take care of, but at the same time it was a blessing that I had my babies to focus on. My husband had to go back to work and all they had was me, so I had to be present. I had to find a new mindset.
Sometimes it’s not enough for me to do stuff for myself. We all have to find our own reason to get out of bed when we truly believe we can’t. We have to find what holds us accountable to get things done. Whether it’s a person, a puppy, a goal, whatever that thing is we have to just simply focus on that. We take it one day at a time, even one step at a time. We don’t ignore our feelings and emotions, we just don’t let them control us. It’s so important to work through our feelings in order to be able to function properly because if we just shove them deep down inside of us, it is a recipe for disaster. They will come out eventually and usually in a toxic way if we try to ignore them.
It may be that you lost someone and you simply can’t understand how the world can keep turning without them, and that is an indescribable feeling…but they wouldn’t want you hurting. They wouldn’t want you to stop living your life or to self sabotage. My mom did everything in her power our entire lives to keep us from hurting and the last thing she would ever want is for us to be in pain and to stop living. So I would do what she would want me to do, I’d put my feet on the ground and I’d get out of bed every day. It wasn’t easy, and sometimes all I could do was just focus on getting through the day.
It may be that you have been really hurt by someone who said they loved you and you’re just really tired of it all. Tired of the pain, the lies, the constant disappointment, and that is so hard. However, you deserve to live a joyful life. You owe it to yourself to get out of bed and take that first step to something better. You have to find what it is that will get you there, maybe it’s just to prove that you are worthy and you are strong—because you are. Your worth is not defined by the actions of others, so find what gets you out of bed. Focus on taking that next step that can bring you closer to wanting to get out of bed again. It will take time, some days will be harder than others, but you have to keep taking those steps forward. You deserve it. You deserve to be happy.
My point is we all have our reasons, we’ve all been through things that have changed who we are and changed our lives instantly. Grief is never the same for anyone, we all walk a different and lonely path because each situation is uniquely painful. In my journey I found what I had to focus on to get me out of bed and I focused on that. Eventually it got a little less hard, it doesn’t mean I don’t still have bad days, because I do. I always will, that’s part of life. I just have made the conscious decision that I have to do what it takes to be okay so I can be the wife, mom, sister, daughter, and friend that God intended me to be.
Eventually I did have the strength to start working on myself again. Eventually I wasn’t just surviving, I was growing—and I still am. I am still figuring things out and finding what works but I am making an effort to be better. I pray, I read my devotional, I run, I workout, and some days I just take time to be sad. I take time truly feel every ounce of pain inside me because at the end of the day it sucks. I lost my Mom, my person, in an instant. She was taken from us unexpectedly and abruptly with absolutely no warning, and quite frankly it really sucks. Then we lost my brother-in-law so in the midst of my grieving we had to start the process again. I was a broken person trying to help my husband who lost his brother who was his role model for most of his life. We had to explain to our children why another family member had gone to heaven. So sometimes I just let the pain in and I am sad.
I just don’t stay there. We can’t stay there.
No matter how awful the situation is, we can’t stay there. So take steps to get to a place where you can get out of bed in the morning. Take steps to work through your pain so someday it’s not so hard to get out of bed in the morning. If you can’t do it on your own there are amazing people that can help you through it who specialize in helping people process grief. Sometimes it’s nice to just talk about it all with someone that’s not going through life with you. So never feel like it is a sign of weakness to ask for help, it’s a sign of strength. Pride is a sign of weakness.
We have to keep taking the steps to find joy again, and that begins with getting out of bed in the morning. We will all get there, it just takes time—and Jesus. I love the hope in Psalms 90 of the NIV translation, it says: “Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad in all of our days.” There is hope in the morning, hang on to that.
Just start by focusing on what gets you out of bed in the morning, and someday it won’t be so hard. It hurts, and it will always hurt, but someday the pain will be more bearable.
You may not see it now, but someday you will have joy again.